my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
