The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We smell like vodka and hangover
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