I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
