Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just google imaged poop.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
