I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
