Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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