I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
