giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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