big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
