He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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