I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
