I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
there was a trapeze. enough said
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
