I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
