At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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