it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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