Buhtt sex?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
