I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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