Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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