Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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