I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
