Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
