entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
