we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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