scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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