Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
