Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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