he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i wish my penis had a tongue
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
