and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
