Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
