the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
