I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
