What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
