So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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