I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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