i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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