I'm jealous of your bromance
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
