I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
