The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
