I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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