my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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