Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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