Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
