fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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