I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
