Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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