This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
