i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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