since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
