A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
