I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
