At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
