So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
