someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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