did you get engaged???
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
