Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
