Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
