We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
